Colonel fidget, the meddlesome and conceited
by i-escaped-reality
Summary: John just doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself and likes to annoy a headache ridden Rodney in the process.


_Why is this happening to me?_

_Genius' of my brilliance shouldn't have to deal with irrelevant little things like headaches, yet my brain feels like it's about to crack open. That would be very bad, not only because it would mean a great loss to mankind, but also because the huge immensity of my mind would surely flood out and crush anybody nearby._

_Argh, I hate headaches, all I want to do right now is determine the nature of this device, and that would go on a lot easier if I didn't have a whole tribe of little men in my head bashing away on drums._

Actually, now that he thought about it, Dr McKay realized that it was probably those obscure little drum bashing tribesmen that they had run into, and then quickly away from, that had instilled him with this darned headache in the first place.

Damn those little men 

_Somebody throw me in a vat of citrus, it would probably be a less painful way to die…well, perhaps._

As he was contemplating the demise of either himself or the headache, his troubles worsened.

The door to his lab swished open in its elegant Atlantian way to reveal non other than Colonel Sheppard. As Rodney noticed he was wearing his gleeful what-can-I-disrupt-today face, the drums in his head quickened their pace and grew marginally louder.

"Hi there Rodney, watcha doing?" Rodney knew he was up to something, john never came to his lab unless there was trouble or he was very, very bored, and since he was smiling, it seemed to be the later and in Rodney's opinion worse of the two options. Not that McKay liked danger or trouble in any of its shapes or forms, but when John was bored, he had a tendency to fidget, and in Rodney's lab, that meant messing with ancient technology.

_Oh god, why won't he just leave me to die peacefully in my brain splitting hell._

Rodney pondered the contradictions of his thoughts, but chose to ignore them, pondering just enhanced the problem. Instead he decided to greet the Colonel and try and get rid of him as fast as possible.

"What do you want?" He tried not to sound dismissive, but pleasantries really weren't one of his strong points.

"just bored…" _Ha, knew it _"…so I decided to come and see what you were up to buddy!" He explained and jovially punched Rodney lightly on the arm. Rodney looked down at his arm and then slowly back up to johns face with a deadpan expression in place.

"yes, well. This genius is a tad bit busy at the moment, doing actual work. You know, the we're-here-to-enhance-the-knowledge-and-resources-of-earth type work." Rodney replied trying to get the point across.

"Cool, guess I'll just stay here and watch then." John hopped up on the desk and picked up the device that Rodney had been studying, rolling it over in his hands and inspecting it. Rodney was just about to reprimand him and snatch the device back when the thing began to glow an eerie blue light.

Rodney stood up from his computer and took a step back as John instantly jumped back down from his perch and held the device further away from himself, and incidentally closer to Rodney.

"What the…" Before John could finish his sentence the room was enveloped in an intense white light, which then dissipated almost instantly. The two men looked to each other, and then promptly collapsed to the floor.

"Dr Weir?" Came the Scottish voice in Elizabeth's headset. "Could you please come to the infirmary?"

"On my way Carson." _What have they done this time? _She thought before hurrying out of her office.

"What have we got?"

"The two lads were found unconscious in Rodney's lab a little while ago. I've run a few tests, but as far as I can tell, they're both physically in top shape."

"Well, that's good news I suppose."

"You don't understand love," Carson said worriedly "They are in better shape than they were after their last check up."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, for example, when john came back from their last mission, I treated him for an arrow graze on his arm, nothing serious, but it's no longer visible." Carson explained "that cut shouldn't be fully healed for a week at least."

As they were discussing this, they saw Sheppard's form starting to stir in his bed, followed closely by that of McKay. Carson hurried over to the beds, waiting as a nurse checked on each of them in turn. He then went over to Johns bed first and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Son, how are you feeling?"

John opened his eyes and pushed himself up into a sitting position. Blinking a few times, he looked at Carson and smiled in his casual way.

"Hi there doc. What happened?"

"Well we were kind of hoping that you could tell us" Weir interjected

Sheppard simply shrugged in return.

"I'm not sure but that's the best nights sleep I've had in a long while."

"You can say that again." Rodney stretched and yawned, also pushing himself up and back against the surprisingly comfy hospital pillows.

"You were only out for an hour tops." Carson informed them

The two men looked at each other and shrugged.

"so what happened?' Weir asked again

This time Rodney replied, "John came into my lab and started fiddling wi…"

"Examining." John corrected him. Rodney gave him a pointed glare,

"…Fiddling with," He turned back to Elizabeth and continued. "…a device I was working on when it started to glow." Rodney finished

"And…?"

"And nothing, that's all I remember."

"If it's the device that John was holding when we found them, it's over b'there on that table" Carson pointed out.

Elizabeth went to fetch the device and turned it over in her hands. She noticed a small inscription and easily translated it.

Repairs minor intrusions to the flesh and remedies slight mental and stress related ailments. Not to be use in conjunction with other medical apparatus.

Rodney sighed in private relief that John hadn't affected him in any major way, well not this time anyway, and smiled to himself.

"At least my headache is gone."

"Yep, they should call me 'John, the mystical healer" or 'John the almighty" He smiled to himself. Elizabeth exhaled in exasperation, gave a small smile to Carson and left the room. Carson in turn retreated to his office leaving the two trouble makers alone.

"How about 'John the therapeutic and wise?"

Rodney turned over in his bed so that he had his back turned to John and smiling slightly he muttered quietly to himself. "How about 'Colonel fidget, the meddlesome and conceited?"


End file.
